Period of transition

Listening to Van Morrison's A Period of Transition. It's not one of my favs, but fits sometimes ... like now. I'm struggling at a cross road ... more a y really since there are only 2 ways to go. Which way do I veer? It's time to do a semi-major face lift to my house, my home. Outdated and worn cabinets in kitchen and baths. We've been thinking about updating them for a couple of years and had decided that this would be the year to do it. The discussion of what and how has uncovered a bigger decision that was simmering under the surface. Do we stay or do we go?

Is it better to fix/update the cabinets or is it time to find a new place that will be where we stay for the next 20 years? We've been in this house for 20 years. We love it and have made it our own with paint, wall paper, and saltillo tile. But we are getting older and the sunken living room that was one of the things that drew us to the house 20 years ago looms now as a possible liability. Knees don't bend like they used to or they give way at the most inopportune time. What happens if my husband stumbles on the step to the living room and falls and breaks something. Rehab at a place not home until he can handle the step? It hurts to even think about that. So do we leave the cabinets as is and find a one level house? Do we do minimal less expensive cabinets so that it will be updated so that in a few years if we have to move the outdated cabinets will not reduce what we get for the house?

I don't know the answer. I just know that this feels like one of those major points in one's life that becomes a bigger dot on the life line ... a decision point ... a period of transition.

Olympic National Forest

I realized that I have not posted pictures that I took during my vacation in October to the Olympic National Forest. Normally when I'm on vacation, I take my computer and post as I go. But where we stayed in the forest, there was not even cell phone coverage! So here are some photos ... better late than never.

This first one is of the Lodge at Lake Quinault where we stayed.

This next one is of a water fall near the lake.

I'm not at all sure how this one is going to how up. We were taking a drive around the lake and it was dusk. We stopped to take a photo of a waterfall and just stood for a minute soaking in the quite sounds of the forest. We looked forward and back and were completely alone. I took this photo hoping to capture some of the feelings we had. ... a long a deserted back woods path.

This one was taken along the coast.

This is the cabin we stayed at when we visited Sol Duc Hot Springs. In the evening, the deer would come right up to the porch looking for a hand out.

Here I was trying to capture the simply awesome light that was coming through the clouds at Sol Duc.

A new year - one month gone

I was just emailing a friend that I had found again on Facebook when I realized that it has been months since I've blogged. Oh, well, that's what happens in life.

I was very moved during the inaugration and am still very hopeful. This in spite of working very closely with someone who is addicted to talk radio. Whenever I have to ride with her, she has the radio on. It is quite offensive to me. I've not said anything to her, but have tried subtle hints, like turning it down and starting a conversation. Her response is to turn it back up and converse over the radio. There has to be some way to handle this, but I'm at a loss to say what it is.

I'm being successful with losing weight (42 lbs so far) and am quite pleased with that. Now I'm working on fixing the new image of myself in my brain. A whole new realm of possibly has opened to me in terms of clothing and it is a little hard to get my head around that. I need new clothes because nothing fits. I go to the store and go to the area I'm used to shopping in, pick up smaller sizes and try them on only to discover they too are too big. So there is this whole other area that I'm shopping in. Many many more choices. So I'm having to sort of reinvent myself. What is my style now? Very odd feelings.

So that's my posting. I'll make an effort to get back into blogging.

A new day dawns

I stayed up late last night watching the election news. An historic election. I was struck by the contrast of the people who gathered to hear the candidates speak one last time. The small McCain crowd was by invitation only at the exclusive Biltmore Hotel. Numerous times when McCain spoke there were cat-calls and boos when President-elect Obama's name was mentioned. In contrast, the large Obama crowd was gathered at a public park, open to any who wanted to be there. When he was speaking, the crowd was hushed and respectful, except near the end when it was echoing his "Yes, we can!".

I am hopeful for America for the first time in many years. Does the election of our first Black president mean that race prejudice is gone? I don't think so, but I believe it means that we are now able to look past a person's skin color to other qualities. Race prejudice will linger for a while longer like a brain-dead accident victim on life support. Someday, it will give up the fight and let go. We can help it by speaking out when we see and hear disparaging remarks and racial slurs.

Recently when I was in Houston, I stopped at a gas station. After a few minutes I became aware of an altercation going on between a white man and a black woman. I have no idea what precipitated the argument and in truth, that doesn't matter. What matters is the white man drove off while spouting vile and hateful racial epitaphs. To me, it doesn't matter what caused it to get started, there is no place in polite society for the phrases he used.

I've thought of that situation many times since then and wish that I had stepped up to tell him that he was out of line speaking that way. I think fear held me back at the time. I've wished that I had at least spoken to the woman to let her know that not all white people are like that. I didn't, but I'm hopeful for the future that such incidents will become fewer and fewer as we become a more respectful and soft spoken nation. I know it can be that way because I saw that last night as a man gave his first remarks as President-elect to a mixed race, mixed sex, mixed socioeconomic, hushed and respectful crowd.

Random thoughts on a beautiful Fall day

We took our annual October vacation a few weeks ago and I've been on the road since then. We visited the Olympic National Forest. An truly awesome place where one can feel what it might have been like 200 years ago. I want to go back. I will go back. I didn't post any pictures because there was no internet where we were. No phones in the rooms, no cell phone signal, no tv... just quiet and time to be alone with each other and our thoughts.

The election is a few days a way and I am so hopeful and fearful at the same time. America will be a very different place on November 5 ... well, actually January 20, 2009 (the end of an error and hopefully not the start of another error)

I fixed the bird feeder so that the squirrels could not get into it and boy are they pissed!!!

I planted tomatoes hoping for a Fall crop. The plants are healthy and blooming. But no tomatoes. I'm concerned that there are no pollinators (dead bee colony syndrome) and worry about what that would mean for all of the food sources across the world.

Found a bee in my kitchen and ever so gently captured it and released it on one of the tomato blooms.

Another Fall

I was up early and spent some time meditating on the patio and followed that with some yoga. I reflected on how Spring and Fall are my favorite times of the year. There is something about the quality of light and how it dapples through the trees that really touches me. The air feels different and there is a different energy in the air. In the Fall, it seems as if everything is slowing down, powering down, getting into hibernate mode. In the Spring, the energy feels different in that it seems as if everything is waking up, stretching and powering up.

Colors become more vibrant in the Fall as leaves and grass turn. My yard that was all green and brown (tree trunks) becomes more yellow, gold, and russet. Winter takes the color away and we are left with a world that is varying shades of gray with a little sepia.

In the Spring, things begin to green again. The perennials I've planted over the years start to bloom and I always add annuals.

One constant between the two seasons is the hummingbirds that frequent my feeders. Little bundles of green life flitting and hovering.

Fall is here

Sitting in my office and I look out the window and see falling leaves and a hummingbird at the feeder. It's Fall. The days are getting shorter. The weather is very pleasant. And I wonder ... why am I in here instead of out there?

Life is good

I haven't blogged in a while, but that means I've been busy with real life! LOL!

Life is good! Recently had 2 opportunities to socialize with 2 very different groups. One was my brothers and sisters in laws (not sure if that is the correct way to put it). We all met for "Brothers' Camp" ... 2 days of just sitting around talking, swimming and playing games. We were blessed this year by one of the SIL's who took the time to tell each of us the gifts that she feels God gave us. Very moving and touching.

The second came when out of the blue a lady that I worked with years ago called to see if I could play canasta. When we worked together we had a once a month canasta group, but once I left that job and started traveling, I had to leave. They needed a sub and I was in town. It was so great getting together with the group, catching up and remembering those who are no longer around. One lady had died, I knew that and attended her funeral 5 years ago. Another has developed Alzheimer's and is no longer able to play. I didn't know that. She was such a robust, a live woman, I hate to think of her decline.

Both occasions made me reflect on life and what is important. Not the flat screen TV and Wii, but the time my husband and I spent together shopping and looking and ultimately deciding. I enjoy the TV and the Wii, but I treasure the time he and I spent together.

Life is Good!

working on me

For sometime, I've been battling what I see as work-aholic behavior in myself. I'm trying to refocus energy away from such things as insisting that everything I do be perfect; being crabby when interrupted; not taking time off; not taking breaks, etc. I think I'm getting better at not putting all my energy in my job. The job is not who I am. In the long run, I will be with me much, much longer than I will be with the company for which I currently work.

Wii update

So I've been using the Wii for about a week now and I have to say that I LOVE IT!! There are some things that I don't like or that are a little too cutesy for me, but all in all it is great fun. I've learned through the body testing that I'm a little unbalanced, but have been playing those games that help with that so hopefully as my core muscles get tighter, my balance will improve. I like that it gives you "rewards" by unlocking other games/programs once you have gotten a number of points. I don't like that it goes "OH" each time it is checking my weight and tells me to step on the board. I wonder if it says that for everyone or just the people that are overweight? If I stay with it ... I'll find out!!

Drumroll ... It's a Wii !!!

In my lastest efforts to get moving and hopefully get in shape, I jumped off the deep end and purchased a Wii and Wii Fit. I'm excited about the possibilities! I especially like that it came with bowling and hope that it is somewhat fun. I used to love to bowl, but haven't in years because of hand problems. I miss it!

I need something to get me motivated when I'm not on the road and it's just too darn hot to walk outside.

Off to set it up!

Ow ... I say again OW!!! surgery update

I had surgery on my hand on Friday. All went well. Doc said the trigger thumb was the tightest he's seen in a long time and the tumor on my index finger took almost an hour to "tweeze" out. Fortunately, the tumor had not infiltrated the bone, but he scrapped the bone for good measure. OUCH. It had gotten into the joint and the tendon, but he believes he got it all. Pathology report should be available today to confirm that it was just a Giant Cell tumor and nothing else.

Things that surprised me

• the cast/splint that ran from my elbow past the tip of my index finger. This was to keep me from moving the finger AT ALL and trust me it worked. It weighed about 3.5 pounds
• the incisions were not straight but in a zig zag - Doc said it was to increase blood flow and encourage faster healing and talked about some study done by, I don't know, John Hopkins or the Mayo clinic. So instead of a 1 inch incision on the trigger thumb, I've got 2 inches in a v shape and instead of a 3 incher on my index finger, I've got about 6 inches in a ww pattern.
• it hurts - the trigger thumb doesn't, but the index finger does and not in a small way. This is the first day I've actually been able to even type with it. I accidentally banged it a few minutes ago and it took my breath away.
• stitches will be in for over 2 weeks - guess this should not surprise me since the index finger was cut to the bone

What didn't surprise me - my dear husband is simply a wonderful care giver - brushing my hair and even learning to braid it. Doing the dishes and driving me places, reminding me to wear my sling and to prop my hand up. Encouraging me to take the pain pills before the pain gets really bad. I try to be super woman and he reminds me that I cannot in fact do everything!

Another quote

This from a weekly email I get from a church I once attended:

German writer, Goethe: "If you treat a person as he is, he will stay as he is; but if you treat him as if he were what he ought to be, he will become what he ought to be and could be."

Powerful thought that. I know the opposite is true having seen parents repeatedly tell their children how stupid they are and guess what ... the kids become stupid.

Chain emails - hate 'em

Chain emails, like chain letters before there was such a thing as email, always irk me a little and sometimes a lot. They always start out innocently enough with a prayer or good thoughts or encouragement to do a good dead. Then when you get to the bottom it's always "send this to 5 people before the end of the day"; or "send this to 10 people in the next 10 minutes." Then there's the thing that determines whether I'm irked a little or a lot. The ones that don't have this, then I'm only mildly peeved. It's always something forward this and "you will receive a blessing in the next 24 hours" or "you will your luck will get better" or, in the case of one I just received, "make 3 wishes, forward this to 10 people in the next 10 minutes and you will get your 3 wishes in the next 3 days". Yeah, right, sure I will. This is the part that I think is the most disturbing because it plays on a person's desire to be better, do better or get something for free. It preys upon those among us that are lonely, weak and vulnerable.

What I dislike most is the veiled message that a person is not worthy to be blessed or lucky or whatever unless they forward the email. The God that I believe in doesn't bless us based on whether or not we forward an email. We are blessed every day when we look at the blue sky and the green leaves on trees. We are blessed when we hear birds sing or smell the sweet scent of flowers. We are blessed because we live.

Another one

I just came across this one in a magazine. It's from actor Kathy Najimy,

• "What I wish for women is that they try to be spiritually and physically healthy and then -- whatever their size -- live their lives to the fullest. Jump out of airplanes. Have a Lover. Do the tango. Figure out what it is that makes you happy and do it. Don't spend your whole life trying to be what someone else says you're supposed to be."

Powerful reminder to be who we are.

Various sayings

As I sit here at my desk, I see several quotes and affirmations that I've gathered over the years. I've taped them around on my desk where I can see them. Most of them don't have names attached and I have no idea of where I got them from. Such as

• "The last step of any journey may be the first step of an even greater journey"
• "All you can do is the best you can and hope everything turns out all right in the end"

Some, on the other hand do have that info or I remember such as:

• "Do what you do so well that people seeing you do what you do will tell others they should see you do what you do" Walt Disney
• "Years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the things you did do. So throw off the bow lines. Sail away from safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." Mark Twain - I first saw this engraved in large letters in stone in the lobby of an organization at which I was applying for a job. I didn't get the job, but I really like the quote.

And lastly, there is this one. It never ceases to make me smile or even chuckle out loud. That may mean I'm twisted somehow, but ... at least I laugh! I clipped this out of a travel magazine. The article was on trips to Antarctica and was warning people about some of the dangers. I have often wondered if this was written truthfully or if it was a joke.

• "Resist the urge to pet the cuddly penguins, which have no fear of humans and are given to unpredictable fits of horizontal projectile defecation."

I just love the mental picture of the seemingly formal penguin bending over as if it were bowing and suddenly "pa-ching"!

Trigger Thumb Surgery Update

My surgery has been rescheduled to July 11 due to the death of my surgeon's mother-in-law.

unexpected blessing

My latest business trip was canceled at the last minute ... literally just 2 hours from when I was due to get on the plane. It left me in a sort of limbo. I always get into this Zen like zone when I travel. A space where I don't let things bother me like they normally will. There are so many things at airports than can really tweak me off if I don't get into that zone. After I cancelled, I was like "yeah!!! I don't have to travel today!!!" but then felt I was in an odd place for the rest of the day.

Then last night as I snuggled back to back with my husband and my white cat snuggled up to my front so that I was in a sandwich of love ... I thought what a wonderful unexpected blessing it was that my trip was cancelled. I thought hard and long on how absolutely content and loved I felt at that moment. I'm hoping that I can hang on to that memory forever.

If it's not one thing ....

I FINALLY got into see the ortho doctor about my trigger thumb. It had locked up again back in April and I had to get the 3rd and last steriod shot in it. Next step and step of last resort is surgery. From what I heard, this doctor is worth the wait. I have to admit, I did love his "bed side" manner. He drew pictures of what was wrong and was very detailed about what needed to be done. He even insisted on giving me a bottle of water ... "Must keep hydrated in this weather" he said.

He also noticed this lump on my index finger. I had assumed that it was a calcium deposit where I had broken that finger once. But he said "Nope, it's not. Let's take a picture!" So he personally x-rayed my hand, personally developed the film and then showed me it was not a calcium deposit. The lump does have calcium spots in it so he said that was worrisome.

So, I'm scheduled for surgery next week to release my trigger and remove the tumor. I'll blog the results later.

The days just fly by

I remember when I was growing up, the grown-ups would say how fast the year, week, month, whatever went by. I never really understood that until I became a grown-up. The months just seem to flow by so quickly. My husband and I had an opportunity back in May to take a brief vacation. We traveled to Estes Park, CO. We had very limited cell phone coverage and no internet access ... ok, actually, if we had visited the coffee shops, we would have had internet access ... but the point was to get away from all that.

We rented a lovely little cottage along the river, had fires each night and cooked smores. More than once, I thought to myself, capture this moment, tuck it away, I want to remember this forever. It was all in all a very lovely time. This is a view from our cottage.

We also took the time, although, not anywhere near enough time, to visit our niece in Laramie. She is beautiful, intelligent and very grounded. We are quite proud of her and wish we had arranged to spend more time there ... the time went by so fast. I feel so old and grown up.